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I am a puppet controlled by my crazy thoughts

I am learning a lot about myself recently as I began observing my thoughts like Michael Singer described in his other book The Untethered Soul. I have a lot of crazy thoughts, for example:

My husband’s baby sister is getting married. We are flying to Taiwan to attend her wedding.

Usually I would book the flight tickets when we visit his family but this time I thought I would delegate and let him take charge.

Oh, I was in for a rude awakening!

At first, I was doing quite well. I didn’t ask him about it since the wedding date wasn’t confirmed yet.

Then my oldest friend told me she’s going back to Taiwan as well. She said the price was $900 when she checked but after she got approval to take time off work a week later, the flight ticket jumped to $1400. That triggered my insecurity about money!

I started asking my husband if he’s booked the tickets yet. He informed me that his sister just decided on a date a few days ago.

“A few days ago? Why haven’t you booked the tickets then? What if the price increases like my friend said?”

I started checking on his progress more frequently. My husband said he’s booking the tickets but he’s just too slow for my taste. He talked to the travel agent but he didn’t book right away. I started getting worried.

Almost every day I asked him if he had booked the tickets and if not, what was his plan. I hovered over him when he’s on his computer to see what he was doing. I could feel he was getting agitated by my close watch.

I didn’t want to say out right to him to just book the tickets already! Because that would mean I am trying to control the situation. So I went online to check the ticket price myself. The price was still the same as the travel agent had quoted.

I relaxed a bit until the next day.

I told myself not to check the price again because I was going with the flow of life, letting go of control, leaving things alone and trusting everything will work out.

BUT I JUST COULDN’T!!! So I checked the price again.

Then I checked his phone to see his progress on booking the tickets. I couldn’t just ask him because that would mean I was controlling (See, I told you my thoughts made me a crazy person).

Then I saw that he got my name wrong!!! My mind started going really crazy now!

“How can he get this wrong? I even gave him our passports and told him to use the names on the passports to book the tickets! How can he be so careless?”

I realized I was getting really mad and started observing my thoughts more closely.

I told myself that the tickets are not yet confirmed and my name can still be corrected. But my mind was not having it. “How can he be so stupid?”

Another time, I might have been so angry that I would’ve stayed mad at him for a whole day. But then I asked myself if it’s worth having a bad day because of something that can be easily corrected.

I allowed this situation to be an opportunity to observe how crazy thoughts can ruin things and just watch the thoughts as Michael Singer described.

Luckily, the anger passed when you shine a light of awareness over it and didn’t blow up into crazy proportions.

My thoughts are crazier and more easily triggered than I’ve ever realized.

I bought The Untethered Soul years ago and I’ve read it before. I’ve forgotten what he said in the book (I just remember that it’s a good book) and I have not notice how crazy my thoughts are and how they are controlling my every move until now!

I am going to read Michael Singer’s The Untethered Soul and Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth every year so I can keep those crazies in check.

PS. Both books are on my most recommended and must read book list!

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